Tag: relationship

Untold Stories 70: Is there Baby Yet?

 

In around the year 2010-2011, my friend Bharatlal Choudhary had started a new hobby of reading books and actually implementing the strategies he read in those book to practice in his life and we being his social surrounding were treated as his experimental specimens.

After reading an article about “Positive Peer Pressure” he explained it to everyone what the theory said, “Peer Pressure isn’t always bad, infact instead of writing a GOAL on a paper and never see it for rest of your life, its better to tell it to your friends loudly. The way human mind and conversation’s are concerned, your friends and social surrounding will keep reminding you of the Goals by constantly asking if you have achieved it or not? Sometimes you will feel motivated sometime insulted but you will have a live time target reminders and the peer pressure that will guide you in completing your GOAL”

The Idea when expressed for the fist time seemed really stupid, but in those days we tried every experiment possible to use the time we saved from Bunking(not going) the University. He stated his first goal that he would buy a motorcycle Bajaj Pulsar 220cc by the end of next year. Telling you the result in advance: he failed very badly to meet the dead line, I dint mean to say he dint try enough because I have seen myself him working hard for the Goal he stated. But when analysing the whole situation, the theory worked. During the whole time of the experiment and even after some months later his social surrounding including myself asked him several time “how the work to achieve your goal is going?”

After that our life began in different directions and I almost forgot that he still uses this theory to achieve most of his goal though first one failed. And this time, he meets his deadline and he did achieved most of his Goals.

Human mind today is so self centred that most of us dont try enough to know whats going around with others life, but this self centred mind also have a positive effect that we keep telling others what we did in past and what are our aims for future. The next time someone we meet again whom we have had conversation in past reminds us of some the words we spoke to them and again the theory of Peer Pressure seemed to be working.

I could have forgotten about the Peer Pressure Theory story until I got remained due to current two situations…

One of my current friend and a co-work said in a very jolly mode before signing off from work that Mate, I am singing off taking break and me and my husband will be starting to put full efforts in making a baby. By start of 2017 I want to have my own baby’ were her words. After that every-time I meet her the involuntary response comes in my brain to clear the curiosity and I end up asking, “IS there A Baby Yet????”

The second situation occurred that I keep telling my current co workers and friends that want to pursue PhD in Plant Biotechnology. That must be a dominant part of my conversation that even months after I met someone in a party a night before, people still asked me, “How is your search for PhD is going?” The peer pressure of these questions will surely puts me sad mood momentary but encourages me to apply more places and find options to achieve a PhD in near future.

Try the Peer-Pressure Theory yourself, and I will try if I could resist in asking, “Is there a Baby Yet????”

#tapishdongre #utsp

Untold Stories 69: My Dead Friends

 

6.9 is my Date of Birth, and this number also symbolises an adult mating position not ideal for mating, anyways lets get back story.

“Books are not papers and words, but a conversation between two individuals on a one to one basis not separated by some, but many years or generations.” -Author Unknown

Our basic life Ideas though we claim to be to be our own are mostly inspired or influenced by things around us. Smart thinkers may deny the above line, but more Smarter thinkers will at least give time to understand the point. More than understanding, its better if we could accept and then use the theoretical concepts, try it and then form our own.

For example, My Grandfather born in 80’s due to his upbringing or Influence of the India Pak division and tragedy in 1947, had very rude attitude towards Muslims in India. I dint really talk this with him face to face, but after his death, when I was able to read his Dairy Pages, I could interpret this information. Currently I dont judge him for his views but that defiantly Influenced me not to have those views and treat everyone equal, no matter of which believe system one follows.

Another example when I was reading a book of Chetan Bhagat Revolution 2020 (the writer is still alive by the way) I was so negatively influenced, may be because of my age or the long distance relation I was under that time that, I became super Possessive for a short period of time. I am happy that I could come out of that phase.

Similarly a student of Science or a Student of Religion, talk confidently about their respective subject without even getting the Idea that the words he/she is using are not of his own and been derived by the content of Books the individual is Reading or the content of People he/she is surrounded by.

By now you must have an Idea that Books or People who you talk to, have an influence over your way thinking. Most of Motivation speakers including your own mom advice you to be aware of what friends circle you choose, as most of the time, you become an average thinker of sum of the Circle around you.

Now choosing a Right book is also important, its like you are choosing a Dead or Alive friends which at least for some time will have a little impact on you.

Most of the books I choose to read are of writers who are no more alive, but through their books I can have a one to one understating that what kind or type of thinking they had in their time. They are My Dead Friends and I am fortunate to have them. Like other Friends I don’t actually always have to agree with them, nor I have a compulsion to be in their company. but when I am in or out of their company, I feel like slowly I am a changed person.

Hope you have your Dead Friends too….name me some, introduce me with some of special ones…and Have a Great week ahead 🙂

#tapishdongre #utsp

Untold Stories Post 62: The Unavoidable Question?

 

Its 2016, we all know that.
The thing which we all doesn’t know is that in my 26 years of Life on planet earth, and After doing 18 Years of Education,
and even coming and Living on Australia for almost three years, People Still ask me “Mr Tapish Dongre what Caste Do you Belong?”
Probably running away or Avoiding this question is not possible I guess for now. Its high time I get prepared to answer this question.

On a recent chat with a ex fb friend Naina Deshkar, she asked me which Cast do I belong, and I effectively dogged the question like every educated person can do.
I said in 2016 who believes in Cast system? Then she went on asking a confirmative question mentioning a particular Cast or Tribe, Do I belong to this cast or not?
Initially it pissed me off and I just unfriended her. But this question again disturbed me for the whole week. It was unanswered as well as Unavoidable now.

I am a story teller and there are not much ways I could express my anger and frustrations except telling stories, may be someday some reader may understand my projectile.
But for now, Naina Deshkar, Allow me to screw you up and explain you the system I understood till now, but before that let me tell you two stories,
1) which is commonly heard
2) which I created to explain the situation further

On a lovely sunny day, Two cats were fighting for a loaf of Bread. The Monkey saw this from his tree and decided that I can
take advantage of this situation. He came in front of cats with a Beam Balance and then said, as you are already fighting on loaf of Bread, let me help you and using this Scale(Balance), I can distribute the Bread
equally among you two. The cats in anger couldn’t decide properly and trusted a third person “Monkey” to be Judge when actually his involvement was none.
Monkey purposely divided the Bread in to “UNEQUAL” parts. When he weigh the new slices on a scale he conclude that one piece is bigger than other thus to make it equal let me have a bite form the bigger piece.
Monkey again purposely took more bigger bite that he was suppose to make it equal, therefore the bigger bread piece became smaller compared to other and then monkey said, now the other piece is bigger than the first one
thus let me have a bite from the bigger piece so that it makes the scale equal for you too. Slowly Slowly using this trick Monkey ate all the Bread and Cats being angry on each other could not even Blame Monkey and have no Bread at all.

In my story most of you must have understood by now that the two cats are two greater division of Indian Society being Schedule cast on one side and General on other. The Bread is the Resources (Jobs, education, Infrastructure, Living Commodities).
And we fail to recognize Monkey the friend of both Cats is the GOVERNMENT we respectfully support.

My second story continues with the first one.
On a lovely Sunny Day, Generations ahead form the first story, all the Cats were getting smarter by understanding the Monkey’s trick and getting mixed so that in future Monkey dose not eat the bread like last time. The only difference was internally the Cats really wanted to fight on the Loaf of First Bread that the two cats
were fighting on the first story. Group of Cats even declared the first fighting cat as LEGEND and started to pray on his photos and started building statues of first fighting cat. On a particular day of the year they even started celebrating the “Legend cat’s” birthday and death day. Burning candles on Street, Celebrating with joy and sadness on particular day.
Do you think Generations of Monkey were not smart enough? The first monkey trained his son, and he trained his son and Generations of Money belonging to same species trained each other that how can still we benefit on current bread as well as let the Cats forget about who actually Ate the first Bread.
The monkeys sometimes supported one kinda cats in speech and also funded the other type of cats. Monkeys also showed the respect for the Cat Legend and started constructing more of his statues and allowed other cats to follow his memorial birthdays and death days.
Monkeys modified the “Legend Cat’s” initial plan constructed a system where there will be direct or indirect inequality and the Cats would keep fighting with each other and generations of Monkeys will benefit from this system. Some cats wanted to stay out of this generations of Cat fight and even tried to avoid this mess. But the devotional cats usually use to convince the free educated cats to come and join their battle.
Educated cats now use to fight more effectively than the uneducated on, Ohh sorry let me rephrase Literate cats use to fight more effectively than the illiterate one. You know on a Wednesday 27th July 2016, one of the Legend follower cat asked the free cat, which side of the fight dose the free cat belong? In frustration the Free cat wrote the story of Cats again 🙂 lol

I sometimes wish I could change the situation but most of time I stay away for the “Cat Fight” but even to stay away I had to learn and understand about both the cats and their current situation.
Studying in Co-Education I never had to face Caste-sim similarly even staying in Australia for 3 years I never faced Racism. But if a cat from India persist me answer a question which Cat Community I belong so Today I have an answer.

Initially I thought the Cast division system is limited to Hindu Society as for which one of the creation is started to believe with the books classifying Varna System. Then I discover that there is Schedule Cast and Schedule Tribes in Christianity too.
As per my knowledge I might be wrong but most of religion of India have their own division of labor system which divides the Society and even permits a human to look down on other.
A person just born in a particular cast can either feel proud to be in the cast if he/she is higher to the hierachy system and also for his whole lifetime looked down and feel pity or ashamed if he/she belong to a lower cast in the Hierarchy.

We all know the Legendary Cat Dr. B.R Ambedkar on 13th October 1935 was popularized to have started wast campaigning Against the Cast system in India and many might have feel supported or offended on the speech where he speaks “I deny to follow a Hindu religion which treats me by any circumstance lower to other human being.”

I am not a fan or a follower of the Legendary cat as there is lot of change in the system since 1935 to 2016.
But as its is asked so I would like to reply to a Legendary Cat followerNaina Deshkar‘s question in her own Legendary Cat’s style that: I deny to follow and accept any fucking religion which treats one human upper or lower in socialistic placement over other.
As of today 31st July 2016 on my full understanding of consequences that will be followed I want to clear that I belong to No Cast nor any Religion. I am happy to live without them.

‪#‎tapishdongre‬ ‪#‎utsp‬

Untold Stories 49: Discovering LOVE

 

No no no….Not a romantic post at all..

The Truth is..at some part of life phase…even you did it…
Discovering LOVE.
It is said that may Super Mad Scientist, Cr-eaters, Entrepreneurs and Great men were once in LOVE. Then fortunately or unfortunately they have to make the choice between what they love the most and they did continue to pursue it..

As teenager even I had those flux. Initially we try to read all theories “WHAT IS LOVE?”
Try to understand and develop our own meaning to all the literature we have till date about LOVE, Let that be poetry, stories, theories and close life examples we try to engulf all.
The next stage is being little brave and actually having those emotions for another human (or other parallel species if more than humans are ever reading my post in future 😉 )
The next stage is complicated but I can explain in simple words that is COMPARISON.
Some day, I don’t know how but every strong relationship gets through or is constantly going through a phase called Comparison.
At teenage the comparison is by the Tel Series we watch, or the books we read. We try or compare to match the character of our partner with a fictional character which one other writer had written in his ideal state of mind (If he/she have…ha ha)
At more mature age we compare it to the Ideal morals what we think are right. For example MONOGAMY is a moral and Ideal in thinking or most of
20th century mass.(And I am no exception)

The comparison with reality sometimes gives us momentary happiness. Thinking I got the exact partner which I was aiming for. Or sometimes in most cases puts us under tremendous remorse. “I dint think you are like this, or I dint imagine you will do like this or You are not the one what I have thought you are to be,” There have been cases when a person completes changes and looses his true identity just to be with his/her partner or other way round, being in a relationship one person changes the other to certain extent that he/she looses his actual identity who initially he/she was before the realtionship or in reality is/would be.

With a very older mental age we discover that LOVE was a myth. And to accept it or live in that myth is our own choice. Currently I am not even close to get that theory right.

But with some failure in relations in past in long term regression of emotions versus reality I realized, I missed out lot of moments in life. When I rethink What I was, What I am and What I could Have done in that situation better.

I disconnected with my first girlfriend without giving her a proper reasoning. I was so angry on her for some years that I passed the grief to many of the people who try to come close to me as I never wanted to be venerable again. I was more stable when someone accepted the pain i created with a happy face and gave me a smile when we departed. The funny thing is I don’t even remember the person’s name who actually made a big change in my life.

As in Beginning I said this is not a Romantic post and I am still kinda stick on my word, I would just like to pass one last message in this post to myself or every little human being who think who can take a point of the little mistakes I did and even he/she will be doing in future…

Don’t Miss the small moments. How so ever small they are, happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, joy, remorse what ever the feeling is…Just experience it in the moments. LIVE IT. If you cant understand this whole 49th post is all about…No worries Take a joint and read it again…
I am running out of contents to write on my blog now that I am expressing..may be that’s why I am playing with you now…
Ha Ha…Na I am kidding…

I would say again, The Myth, Moral, or the Ideal things you are running behind is not really the person you choose. IF you are Discovering LOVE in your own imagination saying its my way or the highway. You May find momentary happiness, enjoy it, make memories. As if at all there is a Myth called ‘True LOVE’ you will get addicted to the person how so ever he/she is. You would not want him/her to change. And contradicting my partial last statement, The person will change to accommodate the new realtionship.
A CHANGE OF CHOICE is in fact NO CHANGE AT ALL….

Enjoy My Loved ones…

Have a great week ahead..

‪#‎tapishdongre‬ ‪#‎utsp‬

The PROPOSAL

On 26th Dec 2008, I proposed my life partner for the first time. Night After Christmas, Half an Hour before the Girl hostel closing timing, After dropping her form the Mathematics Tuition Class in Nagpur, I expressed my feelings to her without bothering about what she has plans for me or not. For a teenage boy, any proposal takes a varied emotions imbalance when he is afraid of the rejection and keeps on postponing his proposal dates because of the fear of Rejection. But on this day I over came this fear…

Today After 6 years of this incident, I wrote a poem in Indian National Language (HINDI) expressing same emotional imbalance what I had on those days:

Puchna Hai TUM se Muze kuch Magar

Darta HU TUM Naa To Nahi Kahogi

Jab Dekah tumko pheli bar

Karne laga man mei batien do char

Kuch Meethi thi, Kuch Khatti thi

Par Baiten Dil se Sacchi thi

Usme tha Kabi ikraar aur kabi inkaar

Socha tum se Puch hi lu, par

Darta tha TUM Naa To Nahi Kahogi

Socha Tumhe, Chaha Tumha

Har pal apna mana tumhe

Dil ki aawaz aane lagi labo pe

Par roka maine kuhd ko is daar se

Puchunga to tum Naa to Nahi Kahogi

Sadiya Raat Ho gai

Gharwalo se baat ho gai

Samay ki seedi jo humne Chadi thi

Aaage shayad saamapt se ho gai

Puchna tha tumse magar

Darta that Tum Na to Nahi Kahogi

Sacchi Jhuti baato mei jo teri hasi thi

Na Jane Kab meri Zindagi ban gai

Yu hi bani Kavita se puch liea,

PARI, TUM KAHI NAA TO NAHI KAHOGI ???

Ye hai mere sapno ka haalath

Ab raha na jata teri bin kare kuch baat

Ab shabdo ke alaankar se puch hi liea

Kahi Tum Naa To Nahi Kahogi

Khena hai Tum se Aaj Bhi Magar

Darta Hu, Tum Naa to Nahi Kahogi…

-Tapish Dongre

Break UP Memories

After hearing all form most of people about their break up in mid NOV and DEC 2014, I was inspired to write about Breakup.

Actually people may think that Break up is not at all an inspiring topic to write about, but for me it is…

Breakup is a phase where we are emotionally disturbed as the momentum to stay dependent on our partner is disturbed by some external force (Newton’s 1st law). Let the external force be another person or change of interest or created misunderstandings or unavoidable circumstances. As per my experience Breakup for me is very difficult to handle as I am a very emotional sensitive guy, but experience taught me that Breakup is an temporary phase to stay and move on. New is always better and we learn a lot form our past experience that we are ready to avoid that factor in our next relationship.

So here a story  about my first Breakup:

 

It was in 2004/2005 during my class X board exam period in Hyderabad, the girl whom I plan to spend my life with came with all the gifts I gave her, destroyed into pieces and kept in an Yellow Polythene bag handed over to me, saying lot of stuff till date I cannot figure out what that mean to me. A guy, one of my classmate was with her(Nikesh/Nikhlesh) and he came to me and said, “shame on you.”

More than my breakup I was angry that an Alien person who has no knowledge about me and my girlfriend’s relationship has came with her and speaking against me.

That time calculated something and wrote on my dairy which I promise myself to open in 20 years and follow whats written in. I explained myself with simple logic that if a girl takes third party to explain or support her statement to me then there are two factors to learn her

1) She feels unsafe to withstand my anger on breakup (which makes my choice clear that in future i must chooze a girl who is more bold in facing me)

2) She needs some else to express what she has to say to me (which guides me that I did not made her comfortable to speak the truth to me that she had to take another person, tell the truth about me to him and talk to me back)

I was aware that as Human, my powers are limited and when my anger cools down I will have a natural tendency to forgive for what she did to me. So to remind myself I need something strong that will stop me form getting along with her again,

Thus I check the yellow polythene given by her again,

I checked there was watch, some papers/letter/greeting cards and a diary what I gifted to her on our first Valentines Day. Inside the dairy there was 26 INR what that she returned to me after calculating what I spent on her. I discovered that a girl with this amount of ego and pride over her father’s earned money is definitely no match for me. So I kept that two 10 INR notes, one 5 INR note and a one rupee coin with me till date which reminds me that why I should not got back to her again.

I am not saying that everyone should hold themselves back to fall into same relationship with same person, But as you know the that person the most, and there are higher chances for history to repeat itself. And I am not that strong to take that chance and feel the pain again. I kept the one rupee coin as a strong memory naming it “Kalvi’s Coin” reminding me to move on and learn more form life.

I and My sister Kritika Dongre believes in one strong point by HIMYM

“NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER.”

So in search of this better one, my journey continued and I believe I finally after several failures I found one 🙂

But more on that later…

Happy Break UP guys

Congratulations on Commencement of a New Journey……Never give up till you find your right match

Happy Day EVERYDAY

YOUR TEENAGE BOYFRIEND IS A HORMONE BOMB

 

A letter from a girl who has shyly signed behind a pen name flower:
“I’m in a relationship with a guy for the past seven months, we love each other a lot but… he has now imposed a condition that if I love him, I should have sex with him. I told him honestly that I am not going to do it. It is not necessary that just because we love each other immensely and madly that we have to have sex. He says he loves me, but also wants to possess me physically. Or else, he says he’ll just leave me. I can’t leave him because I love him. What do I do?”

Oh God. Oh God, what a quandary. He wants to do it, but you don’t want to do it. He says sleep with me or walk. You say I won’t sleep with you, but I won’t walk either. You are scared of his lust, while he is maddened with it.
     I know a lot of women readers might disagree with me, but I happen to side the boy’s viewpoint. The days of chivalrous platonic love are over. I doubt whether they ever existed outside fairy tales in the first place.
     Any healthy teenage boy is riddled with hormones and flush with testosterone. He doesn’t have the mindset or maturity to think of love as anything more than an opportunity to have sex.
     His girlfriend can start off a conversation about anything, but you can be sure that in few minutes he will divert it towards sex. If he doesn’t do that , then he is too old for his age and not normal.
     For teenage boys the whole point of having a girlfriend is to jump into bed with her. They get quickly bored with too much talk of love and tenderness, and get tired of just holding hands. They want to grab a girl and kiss, then hug and then…
Boys also hang out with their own groups, where they get their male bonding and thrills. Girls are meant for fun, not just for long boring walks (which they will have, for sure) or long syrupy love talk (which they will talk, as long as they feel they will one day get to have sex).
     So my young friend, please understand this. Your boyfriend was quite honest when he told you to either have sex with him or leave him. He was giving you a practical option, which expressed his sincerity. The fact that he didn’t impose himself on you so far, speaks of his decency.
     The fact that he is lusting for you implies he is just a normal healthy boy.
     The fact that he is now irritated and impatient implies that he is being driven up a wall by your firm and persistent “no”.
I am not advising you to have sex with him. Not at all. You must do what your instincts tell you. If your instincts say “don’t even think of sex”, then you must not.
     But please understand that you are walking around with a hormone bomb in your arms, a guy who is about to explode with frustration of not having sex.
     If you continue this way, you will turn him into a nut case or worse. It’s far better to let him go. Let him find someone else who will give him what he wants, and make him happy.
     You go look for a boy who is willing to just hod hands and take long walks and sigh at sunsets and smile at flowers.

Source: Deccan Chronicle (4th Sep 2011)

Author: Mani Shankar
             (The author, a film director, helping the youth strike a balance in their relationships)