People are Broken & Families are messed up.
The only thing you can teach your kids is, “Not to judge other’s Families”
In a hope that One day, They will not judge their own.
-Original Draft on 7th Sep 2021
I struggle myself a lot to cope with a few of the below-mentioned “Wounds” but after reading the comments under the original post, I discovered I was not alone. Indians by default live under the influence that “Parents are the Perfect Beings” and thus mosty anytime I expressed this to my classmates and colleagues, they did find a fault in me in even expressing my feelings on this subject. Then I discovered more about intergenerational trauma and the ability to cope with it. It is nice to know that even other people who have faced similar issues were able to come out of their childhood traumas and live a decent life for themselves and the next generations. One of the best lines I could read in the comment section by Markus Wilson was, “I forgive him, or should I say, I forgive myself for wanting him to be more than he could be.”
Hope I could fix the repetitive stories in my head or at least give them a proper ending. For a Better Future.
P.S. You can read the original comments by clicking the link below. It will redirect you to the original post on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/377700549450190/photos/a.377728092780769/1045385662681672
So 16th March 2022 about 00:00am I got the Google Notification that it’s “E-Baba’s Birthday”. For those of you who have not read the previous articles I wrote on E-Baba, he is my paternal Uncle having very high moral grounds in my perception.
With the notification came a moral dilemma, should I even wish him or not?
I know wishing any person on his/her birthday is a positive social activity. But to wish E-Baba there are various Caveat attached. The most prominent one was that I was somewhat angry with him myself. Don’t get me wrong, he still holds a high moral value as a perceptive being. But his clashes with his own family made him choose an action in the past where he left everyone hanging dry. His side of the story is true that he was hurt. But hurt people hurt other people, consciously or unconsciously. Thus when he had fought with his brothers and left the main house, there was no fault of us at that time, that we deserve his isolation. And for leaving me as a kid, unguided, that really made me angry.
In later years, due to good circumstances, now that he is making his efforts to re-console with his brothers and sharing happy memories of them being together, this, in turn, made me angrier. That, “all the years of anger that I had held on to, was that of no use or no worth”?
Watching this movie “The Adam Project” I was able to have another perception of myself. In a conversion in this movie, (exactly at the time of this picture above) it is expressed that we tend to be angry when we grow up, or tend to, not because we are really angry. But in fact, because we are sad. It is easier to be ‘Angry’ than to be ‘Sad’. To mourne from our pain and then to recover. Is easier to blame others and tend to relive the made-up stories than to face the hurtful truth. Since this whole month I am trying to accept my own one truth after another, so thought why not give this theory a chance too.
Instead of being angrier about E-Baba’s constantly changing actions, let’s consider him as a normal human being. A human being who makes mistakes.
And when I think it that way, I am able to think one step ahead of that where I was stuck all these years. And that is, We tend to accept the mistakes of people we love. Or in other words, we tend to ignore the mistakes of people we love and accept the person as a whole being. And whenever we are not able to accept a person as a whole, that is only because we are not able to ignore the mistakes that the person has done to us.
There again comes a choice in the present moment, when we are all alive, Not in memories but here in flesh and blood. Time for new bonds, time for new memories, time for new fights, and time for new love. I think I can get past this mental stuck and move in a new direction. Not a right or wrong direction, as no one could judge where our future lies. But at least one step ahead of our past stuck.
So somehow grabbed the number from my cousin’s sister and texted him, “Happy Birthday“
Unfortunately, this is not a complete story as it is rolling on this present timeline, thus even I don’t know where my or others’ actions will lead in the future, but till that time when my heart beats more than normal that compel me to write more about E-Baba, I can only Say it is “To Be Continued….”
See you in the next post or next life, whichever comes earlier.
Signing off for now
(SKIP TO THE “5 Points List” below if you wish not to read the Intro, Point number 5 is Important.)
For the last two years, I was more focused on my studies online and I was following the pattern as suggested by the Edx or Coursera style guides. That is to give like not more than 4 to 5 hours per week, watch the video, read the material or slides and then give the end of the subject exam, pass with flying colors, show the certificate of completion and then forget all that you have learned within days of your study.
Even using the above method, I discovered that more than 70% of people who are even paid subscribers quit their learning mid of the course. At the start of the statistic learning, I felt pity for those quitters as I firmly believed that I am not one of them. I was so confident because in all my degree one on one learning, I never quit any of the courses I started. Thus it came as a shock to me when on after paying 11 months ongoing subscription to Coursera, finally I stopped my payment on Jan 2022 without completing the course I started. I literally joined the team of 70% who quit and I have my own pile of reasons why.
But I know internally I am not a quitter. There was like Cognitive Dissonance on my own belief system when my actions did not match with my own thinking. Thus I began the journey to understand the actual reason why? and for me, the answer came not in all the excuses, but in the fact of the statement, ” I am actually studying the wrong way.”
The first and foremost step will be to acknowledge and accept that online studies are way different than one-to-one or university studies. This is a simple statement and we all superficially use it, but no one goes into deep thinking of what it means to learn from these two ways of learning.
In the book, “The Social Animal” by David Brooks, the author in some lines explains that the physical touch of parents is important for a newborn and the physical presence of the teacher is important in early learning for the development of neurons. It is like monkeys see monkeys do, humans also learn the subject mimicking the nature, thoughts, and other ambiance produced in a classroom.
I won’t argue that online learning is then a no-go at all, but we do have to change or implement a few of the things which we use to do in classroom teaching.
To list a few would be:
- Use carrot and stick model: Give yourself a reward which will release a positive harmones in your neurological system to associate the happiness with your studies. Also, provide yourself with a significant punishment if you fail to complete a task or studies. Though I prefer the Carrot (rewards) over the stick (punishment) but I would like to emphasise their should be a consequence of our ether actions or attitude towards our studies.
- Do not sign up for Multiple Course: We might sign up as the course is cheap, or trendy and keep on adding the list as it is convinient to do so. But remeber its easy to add coursces on your bucket list or shopping kart, but it is difficult to put that course material inside your brain. It requires a lot of hardwork.
- Motivation is a Myth: This comes form Ali Abdaal teachings and you can search on Youtube from the author itslef if you want to learn more about what that point is stating, “Motivation is a Myth”. But in short it means that we should never postponed our studies for a time when we are in right mood for it. It is like going to a job or movie. Fix a time, start the show, the motivation will kick in after 5 to 10 mins into your studies.
- Communicate with other Learners: This is one of the big mistake I have done in the past. Remember the story of the Deaf Frog who climbed the Mountain ? I also made a video on it few years back. It says like 1000 frogs one day decided to climb the mountain, 10 quit at the start as the journey was difficult, they motivated 100 to quit as it was so cold, they motivated 500 to quit as they forgot to bring food, they motivated remaing ones to quit as the journey and idea seems impossible except one. The reason was he/she a Deaf frog. Deaf frog was not able to listen the reasons of the quitters and thus did not join the 70% club. (In this story 99% club of quitters.)
- Repetition is Important: This last point is the main reason of my motivation to write this blog post. And 5 mins before I started this draft I talked with one my friend “Asad” who has recenty completed two Microsoft Asure two certification in last two months. And now I will be going against the Rule 4 mentioned above. His way of learning is (A: Exposure) to go throught the whole material of the whole course, not just one or two sub subjects, but the whole course like Binge Watching a Neflix Series. We retain only 10 to 40% of the content explained in this first run of going through the material. (B: Retention Detailing) Then 2nd time we go through the material in bit detail and slow paced. This is the time we absorb more as we already know the main storyline thus we are well aware where to focus on and where not to. (C: Memory) The 3rd run will be with slides or notes as most online cources have them, this is again a faster approach as we are aware of the content we are in a little bit kind of memorisation state at this stage. (D: Active Reacall) In the fourth or finall run of the whole material you go through the whole content of the course with pausing at each start of the heading/video/slide and asking youself “What is the authour going to say in this content?”. This is the testing phase. The fourth reading is to be done without even looking inside of the content or only go through the content if you are not able to recall what is being taugh. Remember Testing is a Part of the Learning Process. And Testing is to be done before appearing for the main End of Subject Exam.
The above 5 points, if followed with devotion will make the online journey of studies worthwhile. Ya point number 4 is a bit arguable but it also depends on what kind of personality you are. As Steve Jobs has observed and said, “A players like to stay with A players” and “B players like to stick with B”. Thus if you really want to jump from being a B player to being an A player then you do have to put in enough energy to break the threshold. And understand yourself is that journey really worth it?
I will sign off for this post with an open mind to learn further and keep recording my journey on this blog post as well as my Youtube Channel. Hope to see you in the next post, next video, or next life whichever comes earlier.
Sitting, working or study at “home” I am daily bombared with many commercial adds. Tapping deep down to my insecurity or just touching the peak of my craving curve. These adds, target the basic choice of a person. Though I am learing Data Science and I am hopeful to be on the other side of the imaganary line where I will be making software and Data Analysis platforms that can predict a model or some behaviourial pattern. But currently on primitive side of the imaginary line, these “Wants” are of a big distraction.
Thus instead of giving on to those Wants” I am just making another list here with pictures of all the things I want, instead of the ones I actually need.
- Playstation Five PS5
Its been pending since the start of the year. Probably the lack of availabilty in the current market makes it more desirable. I currenlty have a PS4 and probaly more than 100 games. Actually exactly 121 Games (I just checked my list) and out of that more than 50 are my Retirement Plan Games. Still the Craving for buying a PS5 is an itch difficult to get out of.
2. An M1 Apple
This is an expensive one as well thus more difficult to decide on one. Since the annouce of M1 processor and my Professor suggesting me to buy a mac to do Data Science instead of the Windows I am use to. I am actually confused between the two. Should I go for a Mac Mini which is equaly powerful as the Mac Book Pro using an M1 Processor.
3. Nintendo Switch (unpatched)
Since the time I learned that Nintendo switch can be homebrewed I wanted one my hand. I knew only the first generation can be modified without the use of a soildering skills that I do not have now. I wanted to try out the what all a small platformer can do with modifying its softwares
4. Back Massager
This is the one craving I am ready to give into. Spending at least 8 hours on chair in front of my system, this is the one thing I am eager to buy as soon as possible. I have see the cheaper model of Massaging Instrumentation at nearest Kmart and I guess this is the one on my bucketlist before Dec 2021. The craving started when I went to one of my freinds’ (MJ’s) house warming party and used a similar model kept on his dinning chair.
5. A portable Vaccume Cleaner
One of my household duty is to keep the house clearn or at least Vaccume it once a week. My current vaccume clearns is eons old and thus I wanted to upgrade it from past month. Though I am very keen to upgrade to a Codless vaccume cleaner but comparing its power and runntime only being 20 minutes, I would probably buy a Chorded one.
6. Go Pro Camera
I know I know my list is mostly of electric and electronic cravings but an Action Cam is one on my list from a very long time. Especially since the time I learned that the new Go_Pro Hero 9 has inbuild image stabilization and thus even if you walk and capure something, the video comes without any shakes even on 4k 60 frames per second.
7. Google Pixel 6
I wanted to upgrade my mobile(Moto G9 Plus) since last November which it got its first crack on its screen within first month of its purchase. The warrenty did not cover the glass damage and though its a good working mobile still it was not the first choice at the time of purchase. I have used a Pixel 3 and I am aware of the Google Phone performance thus would like to switch back to it as and when possible and not being heavy on my pocket.
8. iPad Pro
This is another latest crave arised when making Mathematics Videos on my Youtube Channle. I recently started a journey of Revisting the NCERT/CBSE mathematics books from Class 1 to 12 ( link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFRKyUlm9dA&list=PLyLjJEJ59imz19Zh6qZIG5tZoC9oSQwYP ) While expaling anything on camera, many times I feel like there should be something which I can write on to show what I am thinking while explaining any maths problem This lead to search of devices with Pen capture and finally I landed on Ipad Pro which can do the job along with other stuff.
9. Mirrorless Camera (Originaly Thought DSLR)
If/when I have a Go-Pro and Google Pixcel, I dont really need a good video capture device. But this list is not of the needs anyway. Thus I thought why not include the long awaited DSLR on my list. Currently the DSLR would be very heavy thus I switched on to the craving of possessing an Mirrorless with 4k 60 to 120 fps caputre and that is only possible in a camera ranging way above my pocket range. Cannon R5 or R6 are on the market that caters that “want”
10. 4k Laser Projector
It was either this or a 75 inch TV. But in house if we really want the Theater Kinda feeling then a 4K Laser project is something I would plan for when I will buy a house of my own.
All the images used in this post belong to their respecive creators fond on the web. My list could have been longer but currently all togher they have crossed my annual earning already. Thus even to think more I have to first expand my pocket or source of earning then dream upon making the Sand Castel.
If in your dream purchase list matches mine, please do write it on the comment section below. And if my list gets updated, either I will update this one with more items or just make another list next year.
Till then, be in touch…
See you on the other side !!!
World used the television series How I Met Your Mother as an Comedy entertainment option to relax after a stressful day. But back in India, I used this as something a simulating model of how the behaviourial pattern would be if/when I would get a chance to visit or live in some other country. Back then it was a platform to learn about other cultures. Fast forward 10 years down the line, I actually got a chance to study and live in Australia. Though the series dose not exactly mimic actual life living in land outside India, but it was like a starter/refreshment course for us to actually understand a little bit of western culture, their problems, way of thinking and what can or cannot be done in a day to day life.
In the same series a character named “Barney Stinson” played by Neil Patrick Harris used a graph called “Hot vs Crazy” to define or explalin in general that a person can tollerate as much as crazyness of girl/woman as much Hot she is. Definatly I am not trying to justify any objectification of any gender as the graph was used only for a comic purpose which in their fictional world made some sense. Comming back to reality, I found another graph which relate to Challenge vs Skills origally observed in “Finding Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi”
This Graph I can actually realte to while I am studing Data Science or Working on any Project.
For a simple task like washing utensils, the skil level is low, and the challege is low, so I sometimes get into wonderland in my own mind.
Where as Studing Diffrential Calculus where I have less skill and being a highly challenging task for me gives me Anxiey and I try to quit or find excuses to postponed the task.
Current target is not directly aim for flow, but to at least be in the Relaxation or Control zone while gaining more knowledge.
Please do wrte in comment section below what state of mind you are while currenlty doing any task in your current life stage. Hopefully we can share strategies to overcome our hurdles with collective information and experience.
The year 2021 looks like the year of achievements. Though financially I am dried up, but in other realms, I am super active. One such thing I participated in was in June 2021 for the first 25 days. The target was given a big number Three Three One Eight, representing the number of people who committed suicide in the year 2019.
My first response was that is impossible. I had preconceived views of some of the past Australian channels reporting that “if they did the 3318 pushups even spread throughout the month, they would gain good muscles and a fit body.” But actually accepting a challenge and then performing it would be a tough job for them as well.
I thought let us try it anyway. What’s there to lose anyway. (except the 100 kg weight I have gained all over the past 6 years 😛 )
So I registered, download the app, and started from Day 1 (1st June 2021).
The app and website were synchronized that whatever I actually performed and reported on the app was well reflected on the website as well. Link https://www.thepushupchallenge.com.au/pushuperer/177159
Then there was a fundraiser. Being cash poor, I was not able to contribute myself but along with that being concerned for the many International communities I was in contact with who were struggling in Covid last year, it did not seem fair for me to even ask for any money. Thus the fundraiser part of the challenge was a big No-No for me.
Still, somehow I wanted to contribute to the challenge. It was either a guilt trap or actual concern, that I thought I could at least contribute towards the awareness part of the whole challenge initiative.
So I took my camera, learned more about OBS studio, and started recording the already available daily mental health facts which were released on daily basis throughout the challenge days. My target there was if I was able to translate the given text from English to Hindi, that would be a good use of my skills as well as even the Hindi-speaking audience would be able to be aware of what is going on Push-Up challenge.
Link to videos: https://youtu.be/Xo8D2WNuGSc
So day after day the videos were being posted and that encouraged me to keep continuing to do the push-up as well.
During the challenge, I learned so many new terms, actions, and numbers representing the local and national relations with stress, depression, and suicidality.
So finally today I got my certificate of completion and thought to do a little show-off post it here.
Overall I would like to say 3318 is a relatively big number, both for doing the push-up as well as the number of the actual human being losing their lives due to various reasons related to mental health. I wish this number is reduced in the coming years and a better mental health support system is built not only in Australia but throughout the world.
Signing off for now and keen for the next challenge in life, this time probably a 42.19 km marathon next year.
Somewhere, sometime in my life, someone said, “If you do nothing, nothing will happen.”
I was amused by the deep thought with what the author has said this. I loved it probably more than you did while reading it now, maybe because I was high on weed.
Now that I am sober and re-think the same above quote, it gives me quite a shock on a daily basis.
Thus every day I wake up.
Make up a Task list.
And do my best to complete the maximum task on this list.
Seldom I hit 100% completion and those days I could would or be able to sleep at night properly.
Rest of the Days I think I did not live my life to the fullest.
Out of the blue, I gazed upon an offer on Gumtree. (gumtree.com.au is a website in Australia where people advertise to sell the things they have). I saw A box of books for AU $ 20. I scrolled the post and thought one day! One day even I will have a library of fiction & nonfiction books, at my house.
Then again in my head, I came upon the same thoughts about the Theory Of Nothing: As if you do nothing. Nothing will happen.
Thus I did something.
And results are the two pictures of this post.
Though a small start but Today I do have a mini library at home.
This task was not on my daily task list but I just followed my instincts or the words of some random stranger in the past which changed my thinking to initiate an action plan in the present.
Reflecting on my day, I think I beat up procrastination, laziness and put on action to execute something beautiful.
Then again when I told this story my cousin with a similar photograph as above, then she said, “Congratulations on Buying them but will you ever be able to read them at all?”
I dogged the question in reply explaining it in Aussi dry humor that “they are part of my retirement plan.”
But in reality, the Theory of Nothing is ringing more like Jingle Bells on a Christmas night.
“If you do nothing, Then Nothing will HAPPEN.”
My Engineering lifespan of four years was a journey along with roller-coaster of emotions.
Girls biologically wired to cope up with emotions, having this as their strong suit, could choose the practical decisions on their own.
Boys on the other hand needed a support group, which they even fail to admit that it is a support group.
The incidents I am quoting are not always alcohol induced, but alcohol did open up some strong men’s heart which left them to crying on the floor. I would not like to mention any
names of this article for the reason that I fail to get their permission yet to share their part of story. So these incidents only form my my point of view.
First and second year of engineering everyone tries their best to accommodate and live with the new environment which they are forced into.
Not everyone is accustomed to live away form their respective parents.
At that time, may be due to my rebellious age I would love to live away from my parents and have less of a control of them over me.
But some of the boys were connected to their parents in a very very deep and complicated bond that only they could express.
I went to a house party.
Ya because in Engineering life, every day is Party.
Ohh ! I am sorry Every night is party and every day is a kind of sleepover.
In this party a new song got trending.
And with a very slow dial up or mobile internet connection at time this was downloaded the with high definition video of “YOU CAN PUT THAT BLAME OF ME”
We watched the song once.
We watched the song twice.
and then thrice.
Goosebumps were running on the lyrics,
“Sorry for the times I left you home,
I was on the road and you were alone”
And all of a sudden may be the desi guy finally understood the English lyrics and started crying.
He just went on that he misses his mom and now want to just go home for good.
I was astonished to see such a strong personality breaking down in front of me and weeping, sitting outside of house, not bothering to observe the strange world which in constant caution he did before. I was not a emotional supporter and thus could not help the guy, but that day I was thankful that I am still living with my parents. And I was not sure what would be my go when I had to leave away. (*fast forward to year 2013 when I had to live alone, I did cry, but that story for some other time)
This was just past the Final year Engineering life and I was invited to another party.
This time it was booze and chicken and what not in the house.
One of the reason was, though not by 9 to 5 jobs but street smart Engineers in their final year and beyond, learn their way to gain income through various objectionable mediums.
Those time the song, “Tera Pyaar Pyaar Pyaar Hooka Baar” form Khiladi 786 was released and I asked for if I can have Sheesha instead of drinking.
Truly speaking till this day I never like alcohol. I am just a social drinker who like to loose control once in a while.
Since I was not drinking I became the judge of two heavy drinkers of that group. The completion was who can have and handle maximum amount of alcohol.
One of the player was very dear friend of mine and other was a Super Senior.
“Super Senior” as if it is even a word.
But we use to believe anyone who is more than two academic
batches ahead of is a Super Senior.
They Drank almost one and half bottle of Whiskey “McDowell’s No. 1” and discussion turns to arguments and then crossed the stage of apologies. Finally the Super senior broke heavy.
He started crying out a loud, “What a waste of life we have become. Four Years of Engineering academic course and its been 7 years for me and still not completed these stupid fucking semesters. Still taking money from my parents. I should die of shame.”
That day I realised though outside we can pretend to be strong on our failures but inside the failures eat you out alive. And for an Engineer, the worst part is
taking money from parents. They internally feel loss of self respect if they continue doing it after certain years. But in a non- induce stage wont admit it openly.
Dr. Phill calls this stage and behaviour as “Moochers” And I am sorry to admit that for more than 22 years of my life I was one. But that night I decided, doesn’t matter what,
I will find a job, I would clean someone’s house but will not live a Moochers life. (*fast forward, I still owe a lot of sum to my parents but I believe I am off the mooching ground)
People say keep the best for the last.
But I would keep a very ordinary story to dilute the emotions we had in previous scenario.
I am not even evolved in this story. Thus presenting to you in the form I perceived it form the closest friend.
It was time of campus section. A process where companies come to University and take the brightest mind to work with them. That means for selected few, you will end up with a job right after you have completed your degree. Being the first batch in Biotechnology our college fail to create a carrier show for us. But with enough struggle manage to get one company to interview us.
(I was in a different state of India and focused that I need to perceive a higher education and thus decided not to for this campus event).
My friends who went there were sitting outside for hours before their interview and in contact with me by telephonic conversion through sms.
Only one or two people in that group were given adequate soft skill training about the interview.
The package was in the range of 8 to 12 thousand rupees per month. Which was definitely way too less than expectation of Engineering Graduate. People with soft skill taring have the idea of how to respond to the question “Are YOU happy with the SALARY package offered?”
And if you want that as your first job without having the necessary training for the job, the answer should be “YES”
But one candidate who knew this information started discussing outside, before the interview, and also influenced the interview seekers outside that the salary package offered is very low.
Lets all demand for making this salary package at least up to in the range of 16 to 20 thousand per month.
If we all demand for a higher salary, we will push the economy high and the company has to accept us with giving us an higher salary package.
At this point I would say, WOW ! and Excellent move. Forcing the company to actually provide the acknowledge pay rate to every employee and set the bar high.
Few hours later I was again dazzled by the information, that company only selected few candidates who said they are happy with the salary package they offered.
And rejected all who went against and demand more money to do this job with a pay raise.
The shocking part was, The candidate who influenced everyone to ask for raise actually said “YES” for the pay offered and got selected.
The lesson learned that day was, “THE DAY OF ENGINEERING ARE OVER” and “FRIENDSHIP VALUES HAVE BEEN CHANGED”
WELCOME TO THE NEW WORLD.