Tag: #utsp

The Flight

Usually, an airplane, a train, a bus, or simply any vehicle is just a mode of transport. But today I want to write about just a few moments before taking that transport.

For my story, we arbitrarily start the night before I was going to take my first flight to Australia. I had to catch this flight from Bombay (Mumbai as it is now called, though internationally people still remember it as Bombay), while I was living in Nagpur. Approx 800km distance in between them.

So the night before my first flight I took a Train from Nagpur to Mumbai and moments before the start of the journey, there were tremendous emotions flowing all over the place. First I was going to miss this train. And the emotional trauma still follows me to this date, that feeling of what if I will miss my first International travel opportunity only because I am going to miss this train. Randomly I get the dream that this will happen again even though I am over 10 years residing in Australia.

There were more, more emotional pieces of baggage. On one side, completely opposite side of the platform were my parents and sister who arrived at the train station before me. On another side, were in an autorickshaw on the completely opposite side of the platform trying to enter the train station while the train was already ready to leave.

At this moment I was going to get separated from my girlfriend (now wife) and there was neither time nor the opportunity for an informal goodbye kiss. And the recent time I met my parents they still remember (actually complain) that I did not say my goodbyes properly.

For the next 5 mins I ran, I ran like a maniac. Holding a fully filled 30kg checking bag while my girlfriend was running behind holding my cabin bag which actually had my passports and boarding tickets. The train has already started moving and somehow I jumped in a running train leaving so many emotions behind (as well as my checking and bag). I saw my parents, girlfriend, and probably the riksha-wala running behind me. (Ya we forgot to clear the payments for the autorickshaw and my girlfriend gave him money later on.) They all chased after me and pushed all my luggage one after the other and I did catch the last Duronto Express from Nagpur to Mumbai.

On the train, I did think I am leaving behind the frustration of joblessness, and the emotionally challenging bond that I and my girlfriend had at the time. And I am leaving behind several unsolved undiscussed conversations with my parents where I was upset or it was just teenage anger. But as soon as I boarded that train, there was some sense of relief.

Several years later if I would talk to a psychologist about this situation, I bet she will discover that I always had that fight or flight mentality where I am mostly running away from my problems rather than facing them head-on.

Some situation that night and the day I caught my flight seems so stupid now and remembering them feels so awkward. For example, in Mumbai, I met my collegemate and a very good friend Bharatlal with whom I used to share the deepest of my secrets. I took out all the Indian currency in my pocket and gave it to him saying, “What use I will have of this abroad ?” (I agree I was stupid, I did not know there are currency exchange counters at all international airports). To this day my friend remembers this dialogue “Money from one country will be just like papers in another.” Probably we both were stupid at the time. Or as a famous comedian rightly said, “ALL FRIENDSHIPS ARE DEPENDENT UPON MUTUAL IGNORENCE.”

But that time I had several issues with the people whom I was surrounded with. Bharatlal knew that. And he also knew that I am also scared to go to Australia as well. Hopeful as well as scared. Before getting inside the airport, he took out his half-broken MP3 player and gave me his headphones with a tuned-in song, “AA-ZAA-DIYA (Pairo ki Bediya)” from the movie UDAAN.

Music has the power to drill down as well as build up a person’s emotions. Thus, that is the only thing I focus and hold on to while remembering that stressful emotional rollercoaster time before my first flight. The song AA ZAA DIYA….

How was your experience on taking your first flight or first step into a new journey ???? Please do share in the comments section below.

See you in the next post or next life, whichever comes earlier.

-Tapish

A Childhood Short Story:

A person completely unknown to me, never ever ever seen before in my life, never ever intend to cross path

Said to me, “Hi”

I Replied “Hello”

And That’s how began the journey of new friendship and adventure….

Actually, most of the story in my life began similarly, saying “Hi” to strangers 🙂

#tapishdongre

Untold Story Post 85: Theory of Nothing

Somewhere, sometime in my life, someone said, “If you do nothing, nothing will happen.”

I was amused by the deep thought with what the author has said this. I loved it probably more than you did while reading it now, maybe because I was high on weed.

Now that I am sober and re-think the same above quote, it gives me quite a shock on a daily basis.

Thus every day I wake up.

Make up a Task list.

And do my best to complete the maximum task on this list.

Seldom I hit 100% completion and those days I could would or be able to sleep at night properly.

Rest of the Days I think I did not live my life to the fullest.

Out of the blue, I gazed upon an offer on Gumtree. (gumtree.com.au is a website in Australia where people advertise to sell the things they have). I saw A box of books for AU $ 20. I scrolled the post and thought one day! One day even I will have a library of fiction & nonfiction books, at my house.

Then again in my head, I came upon the same thoughts about the Theory Of Nothing: As if you do nothing. Nothing will happen.

Thus I did something.

And results are the two pictures of this post.

IMG_0933

IMG_0934

Though a small start but Today I do have a mini library at home.

This task was not on my daily task list but I just followed my instincts or the words of some random stranger in the past which changed my thinking to initiate an action plan in the present.

Reflecting on my day, I think I beat up procrastination, laziness and put on action to execute something beautiful.

Then again when I told this story my cousin with a similar photograph as above, then she said, “Congratulations on Buying them but will you ever be able to read them at all?”

I dogged the question in reply explaining it in Aussi dry humor that “they are part of my retirement plan.”

But in reality, the Theory of Nothing is ringing more like Jingle Bells on a Christmas night.

“If you do nothing, Then Nothing will HAPPEN.”

 

#tapishdongre #utsp

Untold Stories Post 84: Drag Queen

dragonqeen

Image: How I met Your Mother: Season 6 Episode 5 Time 06:24 (Architect of Destruction)

In my School Days in India, English was not my preferred language of communication. Though I studied in an English Medium school, still all my friends use to speak Hindi. Thus to force learn the language English practice was made to learn two new words every fucking Day.

In childhood it was easy, build up the vocabulary two words per day, and then day after day. But now when I am in my 30’s and I have to read plenty of Research Papers, Books or Boring Instruction Manuals, the fun of Learning a Language seems depleting.

This took a turn when I took a Security Job as part-time with the company name “Best Security” Only working Friday and Saturday Nights at Clubs and having AU $300 seems an OK deal to go with.

Now coming back to Vocabulary and finding the joy of learning more words becomes a fun task when you are talking with Random Strangers on odd topics on Casual Jobs. The fun word I learned this week was “DRAG QUEEN.” This happened when working on an LGBT famous Club in Fortitude Valey of Brisbane, Australia called THE BEATS.

When my senior asked me on Radio Communication “if the DRAG QUEEN has arrived at your location?”

I was initially confused. What does the DRAG QUEEN mean? Is that the name given to a specific position or actual name of Person?

I asked back. How would I know?

To that my Senior Replied, “YOU Will Know !!! when DRAG QUEEN reaches there.”

In moments there was a Dramatic entry of a human being with extraordinary beauty. Blond Hairs, height more than 6 feet, Spotlight focused on, Mic in hand and confidence equivalent to 1000 men put together.

Rest 15 mins my job was to keep the crowd off stage so that DRAG QUEEN would complete her performance. It was Spectacular.

In the same week in an ‘In-Home Counseling’ Session, I got suggested by my sister Dr. Kritika to watch the series How I met Your Mother episode “THE ARCHITECT OF DESTRUCTION” in resemblance to my over pessimistic nature.

The word “DRAGON QUEEN” came again randomly to use in the above-mentioned episode at 06 mins and 24 seconds. Later on, I had to Google what the DRAG QUEEN really mean and I was astonished of so little I know about the LGBT community, the use of common words and much more.

So in this post, I won’t be giving you the meaning of DRAG Queen, that you can google yourself. The intention of this post is, that I acknowledged, even after my half-life of this planet is almost done, I still have a lot to learn. Though not two words per day as my school days, but at least one-word per week in an Interesting Environment. 🙂

That’s all for today,

See you next post or next life, whichever is earlier 🙂

Cheers

Tapish Dongre

 

Untold Stories Post 82: Muze Mummy K Pass Jana Hai (I want my mommy)

 

Don’t blame the Mom, it was an accident. It can happen to anyone. Unfortunate but true.
Don’t blame the Child, he was just curious to see the world. Excited, lost, but dint even realised when it happen.

The baby who can walk now, lost his attention along with the small palm grip he had with his mother.

Walked towards the most colourful distraction he could see in Super-Market as big as the whole word to him.

In this process forgot that his mother warned him multiple times, “do not ever leave my hand”.

The small soul started his journey towards exploration of the treasures what the world had for him.

Reaching to this magnificent destination, the child realised the mother’s warning.
But till this time, he is so away from his mother that finding path back to her on his own, seems to be an impossible task on its own.

The Baby did the best he could. Remembered the path he came from. Walked on it for so long. And finally came to conclusion. His has lost his mother.

Tears rolled down inside of him before it could be expressed on his face. He cried, yes because it was allowed, that’s what a baby can do.

Watching the baby alone, people nearby started to wonder. Not all came for help but one. She was a brave soul. Could understand the pain that baby is going through.

Picked him and asked, “Are you lost? Where is your mother? How dose she look like? Let me help you finding her.”

The baby felt relaxed for the first time. An assurance that he could be re-united with his mother.
An hope that everything will be alright again. With this hope and clearing his own cloudy thoughts, the child tried his best to answer the stranger about his mom.

The stranger woman did everything the best she could do. To sooth the baby’s life, few movements, for how so ever short it may be, count that time as life as true.

She gave him two toys to pay with. The baby was both happy and thankful for the gratitude. But only moments later he cried again and said,
“MUZE MUMMY KE PAAS JANA HAI” ( I want to go to my mother.)

The Woman tried every thing in her power to search for his mother. Told others, went on places the baby described and finally made a public announcement.
She will be waiting in a designated place along with the baby and urged the mother to please come and meet us there.

Baby had the stranger woman, her sympathy, her company and the two very beautiful toys she gave him. But the baby still cried, and shouted, “Muze Mummy K Paas Jana Hai.”

That was a long wait, a very long one, but finally on the designated place, a woman came running with tears on her eyes. She couldn’t take her breath properly, but she held on to her faith.
The baby said, “MUMMA” and they hugged each other.

I don’t remember properly what happen next. I know I am just a narrator of this story but no one told me in detail. As It has already been more than 30 years to this story.

The walking baby has grown up to be the perfect man. Explored the real world bigger than the Supermarket of his childhood. Met the another strange woman of his life who had enough empathy to commit life together with him.

Gave him two magnificent Kids that he never required another toy. He was happy. Living the perfect life.
And One unfortunate Day, his mother Closed her eyes.

Even at age 30, he was still a child.
Tears rolled inside of him before his eyes could shine.
He was quite this time to watch his mother go.
Few people around him who could actually know,
Whats going in his heart he wanted to say out a loud.
Even after years he had the same words in his mouth,

“Muze Mummy Ke Pass Jana Hai”
(I want my mommy.)

#tapishdongre #untoldstories #utsp
(Inspired by recent events in life of my former boss and very close friend. May his mother’s Soul rest in Peace. She was really a wonderful woman, I spend few meaningful chats with. And I actually cried before writing this story and again while reading the draft.)

Untold Stories Post (UTSP) 80: Marvel vs DC = Fictional Neutral Post

Stories were, are and hopefully will be my passion that motivates me time to time.

With my previous mention on multiple occasions, this must have come across that in current generation of Fiction Wars, I am a super Marvel Fan.

This gives me a strange opportunity to randomly meet strangers and connect with them sharing the same love for stories.

In my understanding Marvel has reached up to that limit where ancient literature like “Ramayana and Mahabharata” would have reached.

The character depth, story cross connection, multiple language translation, huge roll over of currency and love are the common factors I could get comparing various literature and Marvel universe.

I even observed that there is No Particular GOOD or EVIL permanent state of a character.

Dead-pool being the Villain of X-Men series is now a Hero having his own franchise.

Venom being villain in Spider-man series is now a comparative Good character according to 2018 story line.

This was similar to Ravana begin the Villain of Ramayana but later fiction, more research and ongoing work presented him as a good  devotee of God (Not that bad Man then).

Krishna being the super hero, smiled as Gandhari’s son death and sentenced to internal curse. (Bad present inside Good)

I can comment more by comparing Greek Stories and Bible or Quran, but at last results the same purpose. Stories to teach a lesson, to inspire, to learn, to entertain, to fear, to laugh and to connect with similar or dissimilar mentalities over the globe (and hopefully beyond).

Yes UTSP is mostly about personal experience with day to day scenario, thus let me divert in the above comparison and tell you another story.

I was working in Sun-corp Stadium and I met a guy who was leading the food retail team on that particular day. We started talking about fiction stories and then he said, he is a DC fan thus he is waiting for AQUA MAN release this year.

I replied I am as eager as he is, but I am also interested in next edition of Infinity War (which is Marvel Based story-line).

Suddenly he was firm and said, I don’t watch Marvel movies BECAUSE I am DC fan. The discussion went on and on about Marvel and DC.

Late coming home I realized, Fuck the shit.. I love both Marvel and DC. Being one’s fan docent mean I hate the others.

Many days later when I was watching the 2018 Venom, I meat a Marvel fan who hated DC fictions up to an extent that he would not support even the release of AQUA MAN.

And the next step I am doing in this post might be controversial but pattern seems to be true at my current understanding.

I am trying to develop pattern or similarities between religion and fiction. (Both having its followers, preachers, as well as extremist)

More I met with people I gained info that People following Marvel in general avoid DC and vice a versa.
Similarly people following one religion or faith try to avoid lessons and practices from other. And Extremist even try to pin down the non-followers of their own kind.

The time I was most glad was, while meeting people who believe in Peaceful co-existence. The people who like to put Political, Racial, Linguistic and Religions barriers aside and share a Smile together.

Being Atheist (agnostic actually) and Religion neutral gave me access and acceptance to people from all religion. And being Fiction Neutral gave me the entertainment from all over the industry.

And thus I even hope to meet more and more people who are able to keep the FICTIONAL FOLLOWER barriers aside and give chance to be entertain from more and more and stories, let that be from DC, Marvel or even M. Night Shyamalan’s Unbreakable Universe.

Who knows I might create a new genre in future years to have a fan following. But in all case, Do love each other, and Keep each others happy. Let only the Fictional Characters Fight. 🙂 We as humans can co-exist.!!!!

#utsp #tapishdongre

UTSP 78: The Thin Light Air

 

This Story won’t teach anything Good. In fact it is the opposite of Good. Thus not sharing names for this story at all.

In India, a Holiday is celebrated called “Holi” which is festival of Colours for Kids, Fire & Crackers for Young Adult and Food, sweet and drinks for the Adults. But another class of age group comes in between the Responsible Adult and Young Adults who celebrates this festival in unique manner than others listed above.

So weeks before this festival in the year 2009-10, I was in mid of my Engineering and in those days living away form the family gave extra freedom that give you wings. I did not have a television neither a laptop on those days so whenever I feel extremely bored I use to hit off to my neighbour’s house where bunch of more College mates use to live.

They had a 19 inch CRT display TV and in those days that was enough to keep more people inside the house than outside. One such night I went to their house and the house was unexpectedly quite. Only two guys chilling out and watching news with mid loud volume. We never watched News unless something exciting is going around and Zee/Star News people are presenting the story with extra spice than its required.

Suddenly both the guys started laughing very slowly.
I watched there was nothing funny on the news channel…still I thought let me continue to watch what’s the funny thing about?
Then the two guys started laughing more..

I imagine and asked “are you guys laughing on me??? I am looking odd??”

I looked myself in the mirror hanging on the cracked wall, and saw I looked awesome. I had the confidence of a stud that if I go out and say hi to girls outside at least 8 out of 10 will reply me back.

I said, “fuck you guys”.

They started laughing more and more.

I enquired what’s wrong with you what are you laughing at?
In the mean time they laughed so hard that they couldn’t even listen what I was talking.

They laughed uncontrollably.

I said screw you guys and I left the House. Saying “fucking crazy people.”

Weeks later I came to know they had their first “ joint” on that day.

After that I wanted to know what is the feeling like? Why they couldn’t stop laughing and curiosity shifted from what the were laughing on to, to what I would be laughing at when I have my First.

Later the same year on my Birthday I did have my First Joint. I remember I was laughing so hard for no reason and my cheek was like hanged on laughter mode that it hurt-ed to bring back to normal mode. I fought with my Girlfriend for no reason, and next day work up with a huge Hangover and Hunger to eat more and more. Ya everyone tells you not to smoke weed, no one tells you the side effect.

The end of Engineering had series of fortunate and unfortunate but unforgettable events, and as I said nothing good can be learned from this post and in fact that post is opposite of good. But opposite of good doesn’t necessary means bad. It’s not always white and black and sometimes a grey area in the story and life too. (Apart from where I saw my house door moving everywhere and I couldn’t find the way out 😉 )

So by my personal experience I would say that Drug Abuse is definitely bad, but if you know your limit and have control over your risk factors then getting high on a small dosage is not extremely bad either.

Story about the two guys who got high on my neighbour house is, for one who could controlled it got in a stable life and made the most out of it, the other one who could not, unfortunately lost his place of residence, lost his continuity of education for a while but still getting back on his carrier as of year 2018. But I am sure they both have interesting versions of their story when they were high.

Signing off for now
Ex Stoner (or future ex – stoner)
And Yours truly

#tapishdongre #utsp #engineeringlife #vip

Untold Stories Post 77: The Noise

 

Only for this story I request everyone that please don’t quote character’s real names even if you know them personally as sometimes Mystery gives more fun in ambiguity.

I have to tell you one, two, three or 4 stories about THE NOISE, but before my story I should
tell and warn every reader that when taking about the noise, every inexperienced person can tell better stories about the same topic which I cannot compete in lifetime
Thus only my target audience for this post is limited to semi-experienced persons 🙂

So listen bro, Just Listen Bro…!!! Credit: Kenny Sebastian

Story 1 or the 1st Noise story started when I was in class IX probably in the year 2006-ish. I was living in Ordnance factory medak Yeddumailaram, a place little far away from twin city of Hyderabad and Secundrabad in India.

A newly couple got married and moved into top floor of my friends house. At teenage time we had very few things to play thus we figured out the detail research on THE NOISE time.
After dawn, Me along with my three other school buddies quietly climbed over the Roof Top and sat there for hours together to finally listen to sweet moan in female’s voice saying, “Vaddu, Vaddu, Vaddu….Vaddduuu..!”
Since I did not know the language Telugu at that time, my classmate explained me that “Vaddu means ‘No'”. Never got chance to talk with that couple but this became our school group’s favourite secrete activity to listen to The NOISE by climbing neighbour’s house rooftops.

Story 2 jumped forward to year 2013 when I entered Australia for the first time, I started living a Student Accommodation and I was so scared even to move out of my house and talk to my housemates. At night around 2 am my table started
shaking.
The table was kept in such a way that it touched with the wall connecting to next room. In dark light I initially thought that I am experiencing Earthquake and I cursed myself that I should have learned about Australia’s Geography
before boarding flight to here.
But then started the Noise along with the assumed earthquake. People reading this post and never had chance to visit Australia, let me tell you a speciality of houses here. Most of the houses here are made up of wood,
and compartmentalisation of room is done by thin wooden walls. Thus if anything is happening in Room next to you, in most cases you know or can hear what is actually happening.
And I should compliment the couple’s stamina that the noise continued passed 3 am along with a broken table lamp of my room which I had to replace when even it wasn’t my fault. The next day when I talked with this couple the girl was more of a bold attitude and gave an apology to be loud last night and the following afternoon as well. Where as the boy just gave a smirk smile with no words.

Story 3 goes to year 2016 when I was working in a retail restaurant at Brisbane Airport and my manager and the morning crew were also a good story tellers. Since I was the guy who use to do morning shift where
I found all other staff over experienced on THE NOISE degree,
I found myself got in conversation of what is socially called as “G-Talk”. That day I realised that even girls/women are good story tellers on the topic “THE NOISE” too. Two of my favourite dialogues of that conversation are “I cannot even remember how many times kids have walked upon
when I was with my husband.” and “My kid said, I heard Mommy there are funny noises coming out of your room in the night.” I know not workplace conversations, but truly speaking these conversations made me love my workplace and realise that,

“Fuck…at different stages of life, we understand a very different approach to physical relations.” The same word “SEX” can be mystery, anxious, rage, love, compassion, pity, need, regret, shame, achievement,
and can hold many other meanings depending upon the age and experience of an individual’s life. I could imagine that day what I would feel when someday in future at that right age
and time I have to explain my kids about intimate relationships.

But before I conclude, there is a 4th story when I was on other side of the “THE NOISE” prospectus

In Year 2017 when me and my partner returned back to Australia from India. We got complimentary Personal SUIT at Somewhere To Stay ” before actually getting a house to move in. The place was really good and thus we relaxed a bit.
The following night we started cooking at Common Kitchen and started talking to random strangers i.e making new friends and we realised that people were quoting our room number and explained brilliant stories about the “NOISES OF LOVE” .
For a second I looked at my partner and she looked at me and we started laughing a lot feeling extremely proud of that moment to be the Secret NOISE creates. We were the Smug of the day 🙂

Please feel free to share your “THE NOISE” story on the comments below.

Enjoy Your day, and Happy Week Ahead.

#utsp #tapishdongre

Untold Stories Post 76: The Book

 

Only For You Sanmit Ambekar, this will be small post.

So on a random day, I walked down the platform number 5 at Central Railways Station Brisbane, Queensland, Australia to catch Ipswich lane which will lead me to my home in Toowong.
There were more than 50 people waiting for train on either side, but being writer myself I gazed upon a reader. A girl in her late 20’s, blond, slim in a blue dress with lily flower print on it, not covering her legs even when there is winter here.
She had a massive, book on her lap and was reading it with a constant gaze that the outside world dose not matter to her anymore.

I looked on display screen and it says that my train will be arriving in next 7 minutes. I know looking back to girl would be awkward as one you don’t stare at random girls even if they are cute, especially when you are married yourself 😉 .
And two that while you are watching someone there is always a possibility that someone is watching you. I hope the later someone is not a teen with his mobile camera ‘on’ shooting a per-vi-writer cum observer before he publishes his UTSP the following week.

But curiosity killed the cat and my eyes gazed back to the reader girl. I have no clue what she was reading, but I saw a tear coming down her left eye. She was crying while reading a book.!!!!!

Just in that moment, time froze for me. I went on a day dream to appreciate the artist who wrote the book. I still don’t know the book and I still don’t know the writer either but I could imagine the power of the words that a human can
fill in the white pages that can create an emotional turbulence in another human. Words are like power used in a right way can connect to you, doesn’t matter you are sitting right next to me, or oceans apart or even separated by time or generations.

On that frozen time I thought about myself, that would I ever be able to reach up to that level that I can create any emotion impact on my readers. The Tear being a powerful expression of emotion, but joy, fear, anger, anticipation, disappointment, and other various emotions including the “puzzle” what Sanmit Ambekar might be feeling that the story was promised small, but this guy doesn’t seem to stop writing at all.

I wondered would I ever be able to create an emotion with my writing, and if I could, that day I would consider myself paving my first brick in the world of successful writers.

But til then Keep enjoying small stories I write, and Sanmit Ambekar, I cant promise the next one would be a small story, but I am sure it will be an interesting one.

#utsp #tapishdongre

P.S: I did catch my train on time
P.S: The girl closed the book and walked up to the same trian as me.
P.S: If the girl in Blue reads my this post, could you please tell me the name of the book???

Untold Stories Post 75: Some Thing Like a Phenomenon

I have literally stopped writing UTSP a month before I was planning my trip to India in June 2017. Thus I thought If I would like to start writing again, I should start where I left. This UTSP is a personal page from my dairy written on 26th June 2017.

If this is the first time you are reading my written Untold Stories, then you can catch the previous one’s on my website tapishdongre.com and you can get all the updates of my future work by liking my page on fb. So Lets Begin….again…..

Personal Insecurity : a FORGOTTEN FEELING

This has happen before, and the long forgotten feeling came back.
In our engineering days, there was a phenomenon which use to occur again and again and again. And when so many again are used in a single sentence, its time to give the phenomenon a name, and the name is PARTIAL CONCENTRATION.

Anu (now my wife) and I use to have multiple telephonic conversation in our engineering days, Thanks to wireless mobile communication technology that love stories in early 2000’s had the advantage to verbal communicate frequently. And adding cheery to on top of the cake were “HAPPY HOURS” by the network company called AIRTEL, NIGHT CALLING by IDEA and 24×7 free calling by RELIANCE CDMA.

But though technology is aiding to the love stories, the human mind, heart and emotions are more or less the same, just expressed differently than compared to love stories years before us.

Getting back to cream of the topic that when Anu use to call me, she mostly had a situational busy surrounding to make a call. This aided in a mental barrier in the conversation which did not go frictionlessly. The surrounding mostly consisted of her hostel mates, colleagues or most importantly her parents.

For example if Anu asked me a question in a telephonic conversation, and while its my chance to reply to that question, she use to immediately start guiding anyone else present in her surroundings. And then when I asked, “are you listening to me or the other person?” Very smoothly she use to reply, “yes I am listening to you only”.
But then on asking more, she had no clue what did i just informed her.

And for counter example, if I am asking Anu something, then due to the Partial Concentration, she did not actually listened to what I asked. And thus made me repeat the same dialogues I spoke again and again which boiled my blood more. Her easy escape was to blame it on Network Companies, thus All network companies, if you feel why I am so much angry while calling customer care may be because someone is saying blaming their fault on you.

The overall feeling of this situation is that I use to feel that the person in her surrounding is more important than me. But on her denial to accept this theory, I use to urge her to give full focus on me. She use to say yes, but in next minute or two, she would again start replying to people in her surroundings. Thus this re-occurrence of situation even after correction was termed as “PARTIAL CONCENTRATION”.

The human mind works differently that emotions are concerned. When logically human mind asks for attention and is happy with what is being provided, it stops to wonder. But when mind is unhappy it works more in various directions, where it probably shouldn’t have gone. Thus in these conversations I use to ask Anu to avoid PARTIAL CONCENTRATION while talking with me. She use to agree but then follow the holy ritual path of Partial Concentration.

Then my mind wanted to test the theory what it has formed already. Dose the person in her surrounding is really important than me that she is giving importance to guide, where the sugar is? or has the water filled in toilet tank?, rather than talking about the present topic which discussion was going on.

While mind is buzy in formulating equation, the emotions are working on a very different and parallel scale. Instead of discussing the current issue of being upset, emotions directly changed from a state of ‘like’ to a state of “anger”, from a state of ‘patience’ to a sate of “frustration”, from a state of ‘abundance’ to a state of “dominance”.

Instead of expressing what I feel (which she would not listen due to the Partial concentration phenomenon already) I use to get angry on her and shout on her. And mostly assume the surrounding as my enemy who m I have to share my precious newly found love with.

This use to cause a harsh conversation and then we use to fight more and keep the phone down, sometimes with more force that collecting part backs and switching it on again was a matter of more difficulty than our relation itself.

With years of being together and so, called understanding each other, I assume the feeling doesn’t exist anymore. But as people say, GHOST OF PAST NEVER DIE. In the marriage occasion, when today ANU is kept away from me, buzy in various pooja a day before marriage, she called me at 1.30pm, but even in that call instead of actually talking with me, she started to talk with her mother and father in the background. The years long feeling of self named phenomenon came back. The insecurity that weather the person next is more important or me came back.

We fought and disconnected the phone, did not destroy it this time as they were earned by the money coming out of our own hard work. An hour later I received her call again, asking “what the matter really was?”

There is another theory that with years the relationship gets stronger, or we tend to understand each other more. But seldom this theory is true, I know with years passing the courage to face each other increases and if going on a progressive route the relationship becomes open or close with the passage of time. Former in our case, she asked “what is the real issue with you?” and I replied, “I am really feeling insecure, as if the person surrounding you is more important to you than me itself”

This time she replied, “My love, I am with everyone and this ritual is important to me as I dreamed of it from my childhood. And there is no chance someone is taking your place in my heart. Love will not have a comparison between you and someone but it is abundance that you have given me that I am here to spread it on behalf of you.”

This was an instance which satisfied both mind and emotion to a calm phase. With years, the relationship dose not get stronger, but we have the courage to tell each other the simple truths in life which we lied and dogged in the beginning of the relationship.

Neither I was able to express before I was insecure, nor she had the courage to tell the truth that yes the surrounding holds a momentarily important place. And when these small truth came out, a fearless comfortable zone was created which people misunderstood that relationship gets stronger with time.

Today I would say, that the self discovered phenomenon of “PARTIAL CONCENTRATION” still exist but we found a way to overcome the insecurity part of the equation.

And till we keep discovering a “fearless comfortable zone” in different aspects of our/any relationship, I am sure the relationship will survive all the odds in life 🙂

#tapishdongre #utsp