There is a saying in anciant Hindi, “Nindak Nyaare Raakhiye Jag Ujiyaro Hoie”

Simply means “Keep Critics or People wo Critises near you and you will understand the world better”

But while in childhood this proveb or saying was so easy to digest, when we grow up, it is far far difficult to practice.

My current understanding would be that our belive systems have already formed. Any thought which goes against that belive system we can easly deflect it or just create a hard boundary around it and stay in our comfort zone. Or one word answer “EGO”

Our Ego stops us from listening to these critisim. And to my surprize I think in today world I would simply push the “Nindak” away as its too harsh to listen to truth.

The next line could be my ego typing, “That sometimes I think the person critizing me has some ulterial motives, something he/she wants from me. Thus Critizing me. Or simply frustrated with my behaviour or my existence itslef which might be an inconvience to them.”

My Ego thinks that because I would have done the same, reason being most of the time I am introvert. Though anyone who will meet me in real life will judge me as an “EXTROVERT”. My own sister says “I AM A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY”. But in reality I swtich to an Extrovert as soon as I step outside of the house. Or in other words when I am exposed to others. But really I love and find excuses to have lots and lots of me time. I have the habbit to blaming my parents for most of my current behavious but recently learned to start refllecting on internally rather than external forces. So my current viewpoint will be, that I must be a very faint hearted kid that used to switch or change my true feeling in childhood to please my parents or teachter or classmates or anyone who had more dominence over me. And when I am alone, I did not have to be the person who others watned me to be, so even though I looked lonely, It felt happy when I am alone. This formula of swtiching personality inside and outside the house kept me and my surrounding some version of peace. Thus I kept repeating it day after day, time after time to avoid confrontation.

And you reading this words might have already guess that this FORMULA was wrong in its core, so either “Introvert me” or “Extrovet me” one day was going to get hurt very bad. And it did. But I did not have any new formula to re-enfroce thus I still keep Juggling between the two personalities.

Wow I skipped away from the orginal topic I wanted to discuss in this post, and it is rightly said, WRITING is like FEELING through fingers, and its a Good Feeling. Good Feeling moves us away 😀

So comming back to NINDAK (The Critisizer). Recently I had one, though only for few weeks but it was quite a difficult experience. Thus I would like to bullet point it so that I can come back to this one and re-edit this post on a calm mind or more mature answers. So some of the points the current Nindak said were:

1. You speak so loud. “I am not deaf so you need not scream”
2. Indians are Good Slaves but Bad Bosses
3. You are in a Tsukuyomi from last 5 years
4. I should keep phones away from me when hots spot is on
5. The Current Job you are doing is not important

So in past three weeks I would go gome and re-think on the words that I heard from the Nindak. Is what he said is true? If yes whats the reason? If no whats the reason. So lets discuss this one by one

“I am not deaf, so you need not scream.” This though hit had when I heard it for first time but this thought could easly penetrate my belive system. I refelcted the words said by Nindak and combined it with more data which I got from my wife that when I whisper then also I speak lounder. In collge days my loud voice was appriticated by teachers to display confidence. But now the same loud voice sounds harsh or screaming. And people dont want that screaming noise when talking one to one. More data I got refected upon by was with a Scene from the series “HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER” where the charaters come out of club and talk to people who were not inside the club, but they speak louder. Then I also got the data that older people speak louder. The common denomination between the two is “People who cannot hear properly speak louder. Is this true in my case? I need to get my ears checked only then I would know. For next few days I tried to speak with a less voice but practice of so many years wont go away within few days. In a calm mind I could have just asked the Nindak to stand away from me, and that would have solved the case, I need not lower my voice, and he need not listen to me screaming. That would have been a win win solution, but with original statemnet, “I am not deaf you need not scream” it hit differenly. As if it is a degotary statement. And this type of Critisim is hard to digest.

“Indians are Good Slaves but Bad Bosses.” This statment came as a continued converstion when I denied something Nindak requested. His request was simple that can he leave 15 mins early as he started 15 min ealry? And on a normal day the anwer to this should be YES. But this day it was combination of multiple statement. On the fist day Nindak wanted to Not work at all and simply stated can I work from 2nd day onwards. On the thrid day Nindak wanted to start 1 hour ealry and leave 1 hour early. Next whole week worked 2 hours late start and two hours late finish which used to push my timeline or work as Nindak kept asking for favour every day. So giving those 15 mins away felt so heavy that I denied it. And just by denial when I got the reply “Indians are Good Slaves but Bad Bosses, I thought why is the whole community being targeted just because of one action or decison I took as a response of multiple failures to adhare set times by Nindak. I dont even defend Indian community as there are worst examples of terrible Indian Bosses but there are examples of good ones as well. I am not sure which one I would be but with that trigger statemnet, I was happy to get the Introvert Tapish out on the Road even though it was for such a small amount of time. Quoting another comdey series “Friends” its better to be Chandler Being the Boss rather than Chandler Being who is employers friend if we really needed the work to be done. (Internally I still wish if people would have worked in a desciplied way even with the Friendly Chandler Bing, but that just a hopeful Tapish Speaking)

(I will come back to this post and continue editing as currently its too late night and there is early work next day)