Untold Story Post 79: Accepting Imperfection (ENGINEERING VERSION)

IMG_9480

In Year 2013 I came to Australia and the first ever Job I could land with was for Nikesh Patel in Hospitality Industry as a House Keeper in Oxygen Apartments Brisbane.
In the start I was ashamed to join the job as the fake “ENGINEERING PRIDE” was stopping me from accepting the reality of life.

Engineering Pride is most common stigma in India and that is because “ENGINEERING” is a reputed Degree, but way more Engineers get their Degree every year than the number of Engineering Jobs available.

Thus Engineers are Forced to work in a Industry where they had no prior knowledge or skills about the Industry. And Since no skills are installed in the Engineers they had to start with very low position with minimum wage jobs. Another common
thing Engineers do is to compare their success with the Top Notches Academic Student of their own batch and live in self Guilt of underachievement. These two forces of “low start” and “underachievement” along with the socio-logical pressure
coming from society accounts for “ENGINEERING PRIDE” self implying that, “the job offer in Hand is below my dignity to work”.

Thus in My case I was a Bachelors in Technology in Biotechnology and Housekeeper in Hospitality Industry basically means a clearer. Thus mentally it was me going down certain level of work ethics (which I had none to start with).

But when there was last $160 left in account and
a decision to make weather to pay the $155 Rent or Buy Bread for the week, working for the Job Offer in had was a no brainier choice. During those weeks I was so ashamed of myself that I decided not to declare what I was working as to my friends, relatives and even to my own family. It took me years to get out of the “Engineering Pride” and then set my life progress accepting the reality of life, learning more skills to gain different variety of jobs and keep uplifting yourself time to time.

In the mid year 2014 – 2015 I met with my 2nd boss Mazin Albassit, in the same Industry and fortunately same venue. And Since this time I had the skills and experience already, so convincing him to get the job offer was very easy than the initial struggle I had in year 2013.

Then came the second stage of learning work ethics which is called “KNOWING YOURSELF”

I remember in the start of days of his business days Mazin was so focused that he spent time to understand the working style of each and every staff he had. He concentrated and spent time for continuous improvement of every individual and whole team under his supervision. I sometimes still hear good stories about him that how he went out of the way to take a step further and help his staff when they needed of him.

One of the one to one meeting I had about self reflection changed the way and direction of the work culture I got exposed to. I remember this meeting word to word as if it had just happen yesterday.

He sat with me with a pen an paper, and explained to me how I would understand the concept of Industry where we were working at that stage. He drew a straight line in between two points saying “Thats an Ideal work position and working culture where only Robots can work. With 100 percent accuracy and consuming the least amount of time.” Then he draw a parabola meeting the same starting and ending point, saying, “this is your working style, you want to achieve the perfection and therefore consume a tremendous amount of time to achieve that.” Then he drew a Diagonal line from the starting point to a random interference in my parabola which dint even touch the ending point. He continued, “You are a human. Learn to accept that. This is where I want to you work. Consume a moderate amount of time and finish all task in had for the day. Sometimes it is OK to forgive yourself for not achieving the perfection you aimed for. We all will achieve the Perfection one day with more practice and more and persistence, but today is the day where if you invest all the time one task you may never be able to complete all what you have in your hand for the day. Thus believe in yourself and learn to accept minute imperfections in life as well as your work”

The results of that meeting dint get immediate affect but eventually I was able to absorb the learning value of what was been taught to me that day. Since childhood in India academically we are so forced and focused to achieve the 100% result in life that we fail to accept or even appropriate the imperfection.

Your academic life goes in aiming for getting 100 out of 100 marks the field that you fail to observe that only one or two students in each batch actually made to nearest 90% of that academic culture and rest all are between range of some of self guilt, jealousy, comparative nature, and non acceptance of reality of their result.
In our minds the person achieving nearest to perfection becomes a hero that we fail to support our own mates who couldn’t even pass the examination. I am not demeaning the high scores for their academic excellence but I am just appreciating the existence and acknowledgement of all the students who could not come under the perfection bracket.

The same academic culture we try to implement in our working ethics and thus live in the same guilt of not achieving perfection or comparing our misery with the top notches of your surrounding who could achieve that perfection. Thus Knowing, acknowledging and accepting yourself is important and accepting imperfection is way more important.

With the Guidance in my work culture, I definitely did not transform into Steve Jobs or ended up having the urge/need for end to end control and coming up with a great product like “APPLE”. But, I was and I am “Tapish Dongre” somewhere in between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates work ethics and positive that one day I will make a recognisable contribution in the world.

Only because of past experience and learning with different teachers in life, when I was given a position to run a team, I could accept the imperfection among individuals in my team
without getting mad on my team members or myself, learned to move on, complete the task and be ready for(if) I get another day in hand.

With this hope I sign off believing in Mazin Albassit words that, “Yes one day we will achieve perfection but today is the day to accept who you are and complete the task for the day.” You may never have a tommrow.

Have a Great Imperfect Day Guys
#tapishdongre #utsp

Untold Stories Post 77: The Noise

 

Only for this story I request everyone that please don’t quote character’s real names even if you know them personally as sometimes Mystery gives more fun in ambiguity.

I have to tell you one, two, three or 4 stories about THE NOISE, but before my story I should
tell and warn every reader that when taking about the noise, every inexperienced person can tell better stories about the same topic which I cannot compete in lifetime
Thus only my target audience for this post is limited to semi-experienced persons 🙂

So listen bro, Just Listen Bro…!!! Credit: Kenny Sebastian

Story 1 or the 1st Noise story started when I was in class IX probably in the year 2006-ish. I was living in Ordnance factory medak Yeddumailaram, a place little far away from twin city of Hyderabad and Secundrabad in India.

A newly couple got married and moved into top floor of my friends house. At teenage time we had very few things to play thus we figured out the detail research on THE NOISE time.
After dawn, Me along with my three other school buddies quietly climbed over the Roof Top and sat there for hours together to finally listen to sweet moan in female’s voice saying, “Vaddu, Vaddu, Vaddu….Vaddduuu..!”
Since I did not know the language Telugu at that time, my classmate explained me that “Vaddu means ‘No'”. Never got chance to talk with that couple but this became our school group’s favourite secrete activity to listen to The NOISE by climbing neighbour’s house rooftops.

Story 2 jumped forward to year 2013 when I entered Australia for the first time, I started living a Student Accommodation and I was so scared even to move out of my house and talk to my housemates. At night around 2 am my table started
shaking.
The table was kept in such a way that it touched with the wall connecting to next room. In dark light I initially thought that I am experiencing Earthquake and I cursed myself that I should have learned about Australia’s Geography
before boarding flight to here.
But then started the Noise along with the assumed earthquake. People reading this post and never had chance to visit Australia, let me tell you a speciality of houses here. Most of the houses here are made up of wood,
and compartmentalisation of room is done by thin wooden walls. Thus if anything is happening in Room next to you, in most cases you know or can hear what is actually happening.
And I should compliment the couple’s stamina that the noise continued passed 3 am along with a broken table lamp of my room which I had to replace when even it wasn’t my fault. The next day when I talked with this couple the girl was more of a bold attitude and gave an apology to be loud last night and the following afternoon as well. Where as the boy just gave a smirk smile with no words.

Story 3 goes to year 2016 when I was working in a retail restaurant at Brisbane Airport and my manager and the morning crew were also a good story tellers. Since I was the guy who use to do morning shift where
I found all other staff over experienced on THE NOISE degree,
I found myself got in conversation of what is socially called as “G-Talk”. That day I realised that even girls/women are good story tellers on the topic “THE NOISE” too. Two of my favourite dialogues of that conversation are “I cannot even remember how many times kids have walked upon
when I was with my husband.” and “My kid said, I heard Mommy there are funny noises coming out of your room in the night.” I know not workplace conversations, but truly speaking these conversations made me love my workplace and realise that,

“Fuck…at different stages of life, we understand a very different approach to physical relations.” The same word “SEX” can be mystery, anxious, rage, love, compassion, pity, need, regret, shame, achievement,
and can hold many other meanings depending upon the age and experience of an individual’s life. I could imagine that day what I would feel when someday in future at that right age
and time I have to explain my kids about intimate relationships.

But before I conclude, there is a 4th story when I was on other side of the “THE NOISE” prospectus

In Year 2017 when me and my partner returned back to Australia from India. We got complimentary Personal SUIT at Somewhere To Stay ” before actually getting a house to move in. The place was really good and thus we relaxed a bit.
The following night we started cooking at Common Kitchen and started talking to random strangers i.e making new friends and we realised that people were quoting our room number and explained brilliant stories about the “NOISES OF LOVE” .
For a second I looked at my partner and she looked at me and we started laughing a lot feeling extremely proud of that moment to be the Secret NOISE creates. We were the Smug of the day 🙂

Please feel free to share your “THE NOISE” story on the comments below.

Enjoy Your day, and Happy Week Ahead.

#utsp #tapishdongre

Untold Stories 71: Dialogues From The Past

As 2016 Ended and 2017 Begun, I have completed 27 Years 3 Months and 26 Days on this planet. I have no memory of How I was born, may be I should have asked my parents for more background stories, but I remember some of the dialogues personally spoken to me by the people whom I came in contact with in these years of social learning. So here is a List of Top The of them and a short Incident about how it happened and what did I learn.

  1. Maza Madka Voie, Me Kai Karu (Translantion form Marathi to English, Its my pot and its my wish whatever to do with it). Nitin R DongreWhile Breaking an Modearately Expensive Earthen Pot in front of all in anger this dialogue was used by Nitin R Dongre who is eldest paternal uncle to me by family of birth. Though Frightened in childhood by his actions I learned you can do whatever you wish to the things that belong to you, but to do that you need to earn them first.
  2. Think Big, Be the Biggest and Best Cobbler if you like to. Sanja R Dongre. My 3rd paternal Uncle said this while I was polishing a shoe and thinking low of myself at the age of 6, and he motivated me that if you think big, you will achieve big, so never aim small in whatever you are doing in life.
  3. Paristati, Paristati (Situations Situations) Nevedita R Dongre. I heard the dialogues complaining and escaping from things, coming from my paternal uncle’s wife. She was always blaming all the fault of their misery on situations and living an unhappy life as much as I could observe. I learned never to blame things on situations and take actions while modifying you plan as according to how the environment changes.
  4. Bairi Zali Manun Aiku Nai Yet (I am deaf so I cant Hear You) Old Granny Khobragade. Even after shouting instructions to My Great Granny of Maternal side, she said in her end of days that I am becoming deaf thus I cant hear you properly. I learned that your body is not going to be healthy for ever thus live every day of your life fullest till your body is giving favourable conditions to enrich your living.
  5. Dada Me tuza Sathi Kahi nai karu shaklo (“Dada” meaning Big Brother-a person’s nick name, “I couldn’t do anything for you”) Milind R Dongre. After his father’s death my father use to use this dialogue many a times during the day. I observed that while grandfather was alive my father lived his own life and tried monthly visiting his own father which were frustrating for me. But there were several moments where my father was angry on his father for the past deeds he did. Overall I learned that if you want to do something for someone or your decision is not do anything for anyone, the moment to decide is now. It now or never as regret is an emptiness which cannot be filled no matter what.
  6. My father is not dead, He was Assassinated. Nitin R Dongre. Deducting form the 1 year sever illness due to a head injury, my Grandfather died.  Medically it was a natural death but some said that he stopped eating food to save his wife from the pain to do his daily chore as for 1 whole year he couldn’t move at all. To this day various members of family have various theory of his death. A strong statement of his assignation in front of everyone present around the funeral ceremony by Nitin my Uncle depicts that human will believe  in the theories and knowledge he/she is having. Thus my learning form this dialogue was to expand and expose you mind of education to as vast boundaries as you can. Even if you are going to die believing an Inception, let that be a huge one.
  7. If you are born you are Invited. Ali Raza Cheema. Hesitant to go to an uninvited party I was not sure that I should attend a birthday party whom I barely know. But going to a Australian Island for the first time ignited a spark of curiosity in me. Thus I went to the party anyway. I learned that the statement is true, if you are born you are invited to see the beauty of the nature, meet unknown people and know the world more.
  8. You will Do it. I know that. P. Anand Rajsheker After 3rd consecutive attempt to write CSIR and examination to apply for PhD in India, I lost all hopes and then my professor said this world to me, YOU WILL DO IT, I KNOW THAT. I did that examination again and failed again, then wrote again and failed. I did not know that examination is/was worth my time or not but I liked the trust someone kept in me to push me forward, a trust which I never received from my teachers before. Thus may be I will write the exam again in future years or complete PhD by any other means. But I learned that trust is a strong motivational force.
  9. I cant Imagine you as a father, I just cant Ali Raza Cheema After observing my all time childish behaviour my Roommate and very close friend of that time in year 2013-14 said, I really cant imagine you taking care of another newborn, you are a child of your own thinking. I dint learn anything but that point made me think on the topic what kind of father I want to be and will I ever succeed. I guess I have to wait and find out…
  10. Gandiwar lat Marala Lagte Yechi. (YOU NEED A KICK ON YOUR ASS SO THAT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND) Raghunath P Dongre I was not close to my Grandfather at all, but most of my strong memories are of when he was lying on the bed for 1 year after the head injury of his. I tried my best but could never understand what he wanted to say. His vocal chords made very funny noises instead of really saying any meaningful sentences. He use to regain his memory for a very short period of time and then forget everything, even who you are or who he himself is. I was never hesitant to do any of his work while he was in that condition. My own brain was adjusting the quotient of humanity vs scientific curiosity of my grandfather’s condition. I had the image of an well educated as well as M.A.L L B advocate level of literate man lying on a bed with no memory of what ever he studied throughout his life. Then one day when I was not really able to understand what he wanted to say, I was exposed to the worse Marathi language swearing coming from an educated grandfather who never used such words before in front of anyone, at least not in front of his grandchildren. That was shocking as well as an eye opener for me that the white collar fake image he had for the whole life is been shattered by just removing a part of his memory. Thus I learned and decided to try not to have a double face life and accept the both good and bad in me. Most important, never portray only one side of your image as both the positive and negative qualities I have, make me as ME.

Enjoy Your Year Guys. Though I did not achieve something today but I guess 1st Jan 2017 was the most productive day of my life, I learned a lot and am eager to learn more throughout the year.

Happy New Year to ALL

 

#tapishdongre #utsp

 

 

 

YOUR TEENAGE BOYFRIEND IS A HORMONE BOMB

 

A letter from a girl who has shyly signed behind a pen name flower:
“I’m in a relationship with a guy for the past seven months, we love each other a lot but… he has now imposed a condition that if I love him, I should have sex with him. I told him honestly that I am not going to do it. It is not necessary that just because we love each other immensely and madly that we have to have sex. He says he loves me, but also wants to possess me physically. Or else, he says he’ll just leave me. I can’t leave him because I love him. What do I do?”

Oh God. Oh God, what a quandary. He wants to do it, but you don’t want to do it. He says sleep with me or walk. You say I won’t sleep with you, but I won’t walk either. You are scared of his lust, while he is maddened with it.
     I know a lot of women readers might disagree with me, but I happen to side the boy’s viewpoint. The days of chivalrous platonic love are over. I doubt whether they ever existed outside fairy tales in the first place.
     Any healthy teenage boy is riddled with hormones and flush with testosterone. He doesn’t have the mindset or maturity to think of love as anything more than an opportunity to have sex.
     His girlfriend can start off a conversation about anything, but you can be sure that in few minutes he will divert it towards sex. If he doesn’t do that , then he is too old for his age and not normal.
     For teenage boys the whole point of having a girlfriend is to jump into bed with her. They get quickly bored with too much talk of love and tenderness, and get tired of just holding hands. They want to grab a girl and kiss, then hug and then…
Boys also hang out with their own groups, where they get their male bonding and thrills. Girls are meant for fun, not just for long boring walks (which they will have, for sure) or long syrupy love talk (which they will talk, as long as they feel they will one day get to have sex).
     So my young friend, please understand this. Your boyfriend was quite honest when he told you to either have sex with him or leave him. He was giving you a practical option, which expressed his sincerity. The fact that he didn’t impose himself on you so far, speaks of his decency.
     The fact that he is lusting for you implies he is just a normal healthy boy.
     The fact that he is now irritated and impatient implies that he is being driven up a wall by your firm and persistent “no”.
I am not advising you to have sex with him. Not at all. You must do what your instincts tell you. If your instincts say “don’t even think of sex”, then you must not.
     But please understand that you are walking around with a hormone bomb in your arms, a guy who is about to explode with frustration of not having sex.
     If you continue this way, you will turn him into a nut case or worse. It’s far better to let him go. Let him find someone else who will give him what he wants, and make him happy.
     You go look for a boy who is willing to just hod hands and take long walks and sigh at sunsets and smile at flowers.

Source: Deccan Chronicle (4th Sep 2011)

Author: Mani Shankar
             (The author, a film director, helping the youth strike a balance in their relationships)